My Life is a Mess but, I Love It!

Literally, my life has been one huge mess since these two came into my life. Not a day goes by that I wouldn't change it for the world though. I used to live a life of plans and routines. I still try to keep a routine for my kids as much as I can for MY SAKE but, every day something changes and I have to regroup and just go with the flow. If anything, these two have taught me that I can prioritize and accept change.

TGIF!

Last night, my husband and I agreed that it is time to sleep train our daughter and wean her off my boobs. Ever since she was born, she gets up at least 5 times a night to nurse. It's not so much because of hunger now but because its a comfort for her. It's been messing up our sleep! So, last night was rough but my amazing husband pulled through and so did she. It was rough but, I think she gets it now. I know we still have a long way to go but this is a positive sign that things are looking up. Because I was able to sleep ok last night, I got up early today and accomplished so many things. We had lunch with my husband and now the kiddos are napping. Tonight, I get to doll up and have a dinner with just the girls! I'm so excited. I haven't done this in months! I was beginning to have a mommy burn-out. This mama is due for some drinks!!!

What am I feeling???

Today I woke up and was filled with emotions. I'm praying that I'm not pregnant with baby #3 and that this is just a phase I'm going through. Being a SAHM is hard!!! If there was a pie chart of all the roles I played, this would be how it might look like:

60% Maid

30% Chef
9% Mom
1% Me

I can't help but feel ... lost. Not myself. Who am I? It's been so long that I've forgotten. I don't have hobbies anymore. I don't have time anymore. When we became parents, my whole life changed and my husband's stayed the same. I want to devote my life to my kids now but, what happens when they grow up and leave? What happens to me? All these questions and uncertainties have been plaguing me lately and I've been exhausted thinking about it all. Something needs to change and I can't turn to my husband to help me. He will never understand where I'm coming from so how can he help me? It seems I must help myself first before I can help anyone. So here are my resolutions for the new year...
1. Help myself first. Put myself first. Some of you may read this and think that I'm being selfish because I have two little ones but this goes way deeper than that. Seriously, how can I be present in the now when I'm constantly "gone". I need to focus on me and my personal goals before I can be 100% wife and mother.
2. Be in the "now". The Internet will be there but my kids won't stop growing. I need to put aside the social media and focus more on my kids. They're only little once and they grow so fast.
3. Get a part time job. Yes! It's time I play in the big sandbox again. This will be good for my sanity and my wallet.
4. Go to church. I need God in my life more than ever now.
5. Improve on my time management. Go to sleep earlier. Wake up earlier. Be happy.